Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in Carl Gookins' LiveJournal:

Monday, August 8th, 2005
1:15 pm	Stupid Stuff Sometimes Sux So Severely. Jeesh. I don’t know if this will always end up being an every-other week thing for me, but yesterday I had another really rough time with depression and anxiety. I’m still not over it. I have almost no interest in my art right now or much else for that matter. I am in the middle of writing my novel “Dire Annex” so that should prove interesting soon enough. I think one of my problems is: I have NO support from anyone that is very close to me. My Father is one of the greatest men in the world. But he doesn’t know anything but backbreaking work and “…Nobody likes their job…and if they do like they are lucky.” Everyday is a constant battle with anger and what is actually fear. That’s all anger really is most of the time: Fear. I try to explain my thoughts and philosophies to him and other that are around me often, most of the time they look at me as if I’m speaking another language. I guess I’m finding out…I AM speaking another language. A language they may never get, so it’s my job to be an interpreter for them. I hate it when people complain about things they cannot change. They waste energy and time thinking and reacting to dumb things around them everyday. It’s all very overwhelming to me. If we all only tried to do more than what we are used to doing, we would be amazed at how much more we could accomplish. I am extremely tired of the “Drunken, he said, she said, I love you, wanna screw, at least until I get another boyfriend.” on T.V. These new teens and young people are getting dumber than I was in the 90’s. Everything is so dramatic and there is no substance to anything they do. There is no drive to become something greater than their parents or strive to live like their heroes. Now, their heroes are Paris Hilton, and everyone on Viva La Bam. The music is not any better. Now its ok to piece together a band that doesn’t like each other get someone else to write their songs and not even sing them live. As long as they learn the dance steps and look pretty, everything will be ok. Then, the CDs are sold to the masses of 12yr old girls out there getting money from their parents. Oh, and one other thing. Football (American) : “A bunch of guys running around pounding one another until they break something, smacking each other on the butt, the whole game centers itself around a single piece of leather stitched together holding air. Hmm, Guys, pounding, breaking, smacking butt, stitched leather…yep that’s a GAY PORN TO ME. There wouldn’t be much wrong with it if it didn’t completely consume the guys lives out there. But it does. Why don’t all you guys out there that would rather watch football instead of spending time with their wives, move out into a huge football house and beer themselves to death. I will take all the wives and have a wonderful, meaningful life with them all. :) Anything you want to do in life is fine…just don’t let something dumb be EVERYTHING you ever do. Well…I feel slightly better now…but not overly. Until next time. ~Carl Current Mood: cranky Current Music: none (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 27th, 2005
6:42 pm	Onward into tomorrow…and the next. I know its taking too long to get those Key Chains and Postcards etc, but I want them to be perfect and I won’t settle for less than what “I” would want to buy from someone else. I’ve updated my site again. I have a new piece called “Soul Eyes”. I hope that she does as well as “Misunderstood” done on ebay. She (Misunderstood) sold for over One Hundred Dollars. I am trying to figure out as many ways I can to have some more of my work published in some magazines. I’ve got a list now that has several “Gothic” life style magazines I think look promising. I hope everyone is well. Be sure to check out my site! (And buy something) lol J/k Best wishes to everyone! ~Carl Current Mood: busy Current Music: None (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 20th, 2005
1:02 pm	Steps in the Right Direction. Hello Everyone. I have updated my site yet again. (Can you believe it? It’s only been a week!) lol www.carlgookins.com I have a new piece called “Misunderstood”. She is a Vampire of sorts. But, I wanted to convey the idea that she wasn’t necessarily evil either. I know that this type of work like Warriors and Vampires etc isn’t what I have been doing in the past, but I love that type of work as well as Fairies and Angels. I am also looking into having more and more of my work published. I am looking into a few different magazines. I am going to hold off sending them anything until I have just a few more pieces under my belt and my site is more in gear. Who knows how much business I might have for Key Chains and posters etc if I’m in a magazine here in the states. I was again featured on the cover of Punto de Cruz …only this time I was the main art on the cover! Cool! I am now about to start the Stickers, Buttons, Key Chains, Window Clings, Postcards, Bookmarks, and Magnets. …. Even full size POSTERS to hang on the wall! I have never felt so “in the right place” …I just feel like I belong to what I’m doing right now. I just really need to start making some money from it…then everything will start looking even better. Its great having Email come in from all over the world. Best wishes to everyone. I’ll be back soon. ~Carl www.carlgookins.com Current Mood: busy Current Music: Pantera,Rob Zombie, Type O (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
10:45 am	Updated Website = Updated Life I have updated my site today with some really cool info and some sneak peaks at some of the stuff to come really soon. I have now gone completely FULL TIME with my art career. This can be scary but it also feels like the right thing to do. I can feel it made into my very being. I hope where I am going is as good to me as where I’ve been…but at the same time I hope everything is a lot better too. With new merchandise coming and new art in abundance…I feel that I will be meeting new faces and establishing new connections lots more frequently than I have in the past. I also want to solidify the connection between an artist and his/her fans. I feel that it is too easy for myself to drift from those that believe in what I do so much. I hope everyone can check out my new stuff and can keep in touch better coming up in these next few months. Everything is getting better everyday and I, Myself as an artist, am getting better also. Take care everyone… I will see you soon. ~Carl www.carlgookins.com Current Mood: artistic Current Music: Type O Negative (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
12:30 pm	Things changing...setting sail. I stand again at a crossroads in my life. Stimuli from all around has been pushing me towards what I think is my true destiny. I have seen articles and stories about others that have been successful online with their own personal grafts and art. I am currently setting up my life to go full time with my destiny. Within the next few months a lot will be changing at www.carlgookins.com. There will be some new graphics and some new setup. There will also be some all-new merchandise options for fans and collectors. When it comes to the future going down a road like doing art for a living is sort of an all or nothing thing. It takes all your time to keep it going successfully. I have been doing research to see if there are other things out there that I can sink my teeth into with my creations. I am also advertising in a huge way and joining web rings. I am going to be in contact with fantasy magazines and fanzines also. You will see my work in some new places and you will see some old boundaries broken within the next few months. I am still very thankful for all of those out there that give my work the chance to be in your homes. I want to always and forever continue to share my vision with the world. There will be more soon. Stay tuned in to www.carlgookins.com for lots of new cool stuff. Best wishes to everyone. ~Carl www.carlgookins.com Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Lamb Of God (Comment on this)
Friday, February 25th, 2005
8:40 am	Just another day...everyday a good day. Hello again to everyone :) I trust everyone has been doing well? I hope so. I myself have been working at my “other” job for a long time now (many hours in the last two weeks) and it is making me realize how much I truly love my art and that my art is my “real” job in life. The other job I have is there just to buy food and art supplies. I was recently shown in a magazine printed in Spain and was sent a copy for agreeing to let my work be used. It is a very cool looking magazine and shows a piece of mine as a cross-stitch piece of work. (Check on my site soon for some scans of the magazine) Also, “Sparkles” (My most recent piece of work) sold on Ebay for $75. Now the only way anyone can own a piece of it is by purchasing a print. I’m exited and delighted to have sold such a piece to an art collector that really, truly loves my vision. I am in the process of finishing up a commissioned piece that I’ve been working on for way too long. Hahaha. I’ll let anyone reading this in on the secret… this new piece is the sister piece to “She Devil” …I bet you can figure out what she will like. :) After she is done I will be working on a few new pieces that will be able to be seen on Ebay. I hope everyone can get a chance to own something they are really inspired by. I want everyone out there to someday own a piece I have don that has touched him or her in some way. That is it for now… I wish everyone well. I’ll be writing more soon. ~Carl www.carlgookins.com Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: The Acacia Strain (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 10th, 2005
10:37 am	Light at the end of the tunnel..... Well, it has been a very long time since I updated my journal here…. it has also been just as long since I last updated my website too. …Now that all is changing. So much has changed for the better and responsibility for my whole life falls on my own shoulders. I have a lot of things going for me right now…and I intend on keeping them going very well. As far as my site is concerned…it will be updated VERY soon. It is totally revamped with a lot of new graphics and things changed around a bit etc. I am also going to start only really talking about anything ART, site, or personal that would directly affect my art here on this journal site. Though I know it is interesting that some people put up an entry about what kind of pizza they had the night before (and that’s perfectly ok for some) …its not where I'm going here with mine. :) I hope everyone will come back soon. I hope to update weekly. I can’t promise it will ALWAYS be exciting…but I will try my best. I also believe that if I have to deliver a promise like that…it will help drive me to knew places in my art and bring me up to speed with completing projects faster. There is some REALLY, REALLY great things coming soon on www.carlgookins.com and I really hope everyone reading here can find something there they can find inspiration in. Best wishes Take care everyone. ~Carl Current Mood: artistic Current Music: Static-X Shadow Zone (Comment on this)
Friday, October 15th, 2004
3:27 am	I am ...there for I think. I have been thinking a lot as of late. I guess I’ve found…once you think you’re all grown up…. you just learn you have MUCH more to go before you’re even close. It takes a lot to know what you want out of life…and it takes time. Life is something we have to bend and fold to make what we want with it…though at the same time we have to continue to live while changing too. This seems to be as hard as working on your car. ..and driving it down the road at the same time. I have always felt, if I could stop long enough to figure everything out…then everything would be ok. But, now I know it never would be ok, because we NEED that push forward to keep our lives from becoming stale. I want to become the best adult I can…(even though I’m already 22…soon to be 23.)…I feel I have a LONG way to go. Yes …there are lots of things that haunt me EVERYNIGHT and I would say some choice things to people if I could turn back the hands of time. I would maybe tell myself that I would end up alone…just like I’ve always been…and there would never be a very good reason…just like its always been. I wish I could be more positive and happier about my future. …Don’t get me wrong…I thing I will have a long wonderful future ahead of me…. but it will be a road paved with lonesome heartaches. Why is it so hard to find that “special” someone we all want to find in our lives? It seems that every girl I see that I like and is into EVERYTHING I am into…is very young (too young) or is older and taken. I have met WONDERFUL people here online (they know who they are) and I’ve gone out and had fun…. I’ve made friends. But I know that my TRUE love still waits out there somewhere…and she will not be shallow and she will be attracted to me in everyway. Most of all …there will be that magic there that is so hard to find…. the magic that sets Lovers apart from Friends. I love my friends…and I love my family. I just want to have that perfect/imperfect love of my own. And, I know what I’m looking for (as best I can). And I haven’t quite found it yet. Hopefully …she is looking for me…and it won’t take FOREVER and a day for her to find me or for I to find her. I wish I was in love…. but I do so much better sometimes when I’m only in hate. (For now it’s mostly all I have and is becoming all I know.) I guess it is all well for my art and such…. Bittersweet sorrow the sting and the warmth of the stab through the heart. Is it able to be seen, my torment through my work? The “dark” side of things will always call to me. It understands me better than anyone…or anything. I would not consider myself evil just as I would not consider the daytime a force of good…for I feel I am of the night…it is just the other half of the whole. Till next time. ~Carl www.carlgookins.com Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: none (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 7th, 2004
3:15 am	No love Everyone has their days…and everyone has made mistakes. This I know is true. I for one know that I am a lot farther in my life than I was a year ago to date. But, it is just as hard to move forward as it is to try to keep things the same forever. I have been looking into business I shouldn’t. It is making me crazy. To be honest …I hate all of it. All that I am talking about…is almost more than I can stand most of the time. No matter how hard I try…I can’t help but feel it’s all very stupid on this person’s part. I know…none of this makes since…. but that’s ok…because its all just so I can get it all out…and let the world know how I feel. I think I will have to cut all ties …cut all relations. I hate it all and it hurts either way…but I have to leave it all behind. At this time I am 22…. by the time I am 25 …I believe I will have achieved my goals…. or more. When I am 25 that is when I will start to try with girls again. I believe I need to take a lot of time to clean up my life. It’s not that I’m into things I shouldn’t be…its more like I’m NOT into the things I SHOULD be. There is so much I need to change. I need to sharpen my mind and body…I need to find the perfect harmony to do so. I’m not sure if I will be able to live in peace and harmony with some of the feelings I have. I think it might be best to use the anger and disgust I sometimes feel to fuel my fire to go farther than I’ve ever been with my creativity. Maybe it’s just late…. maybe I really do feel this way…I have for some days now. I will sleep on it…but I think tomorrow…I will put everyone in his or her place …and never look back. Till next time. ~Carl Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Pantera - 5 minutes Alone (as loud as will go) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
12:13 pm	Hello reality ... Hello reality I have had a small epiphany of sorts last night…. just sorting out everything that is going through my head. I’m not going to post what it was…because it was everything and nothing at the same time. Words cannot describe sometimes what we feel or know. I really do believe that we all take a lot longer to grow up than we realize…and sometimes when we think we’ve figured it all out…that’s really when we figure out we know so little. Love will come to us all if we wait for it. (By all means we should pursue someone if we like them…they won’t just fall in our lap.) We have to believe in ourselves…and in life around us before this great circle will turn seamlessly. On another note…I will be going to the art store today to pick up some larger paper to start some of my new work on. (I won’t start anything big until AFTER the other two pieces I have to finish are completed.) So, I am going to “up” my art yet even another notch…I have been looking and studying a few things for a while now…and I believe I have more that a hand full of new ideas that could very well come to light really soon. I want to blow the top off of what I can do now…and show the world I am very unique in my style (of course that’s only to those few people whom do not already see this.) I will maybe be writing more often here too…it seems that if everyone can read about happenings in my life…I, myself tend to take better care of them also. Until next time… ~Carl (Comment on this)
Monday, September 13th, 2004
1:21 am	Everyone is jumping off the edge... Hmmm…where do I start? Well, I guess I’ll start with some of my old friends. I have seen old friends change so much in front of me…and I believe is it all a fruitless gamble. I know we all need change to move forward…but that does not mean we should throw everything we have away to try and be something else. (Of course this is on the idea that what we DID already have was something at all.) I’m trying to say that so many of the people I know have traded in there way of life for something else they THOUGHT they wanted…but instead have ended with only more depression and alienation from those things they once knew. I guess I may not know people as well as I’d like to…but I just can’t shake the feeling that, someday they will all look back and think to themselves: “If I only had it to do over again” I know something GOOD when I see it…and I for one will not let things of such pass me by. I am disgusted by the males out there that give me a BAD name because I don’t look like Brad Pitt. I treat a girl nicely and she is so used to being treated like dirt that, then that’s all she knows! Those guys out there that treat women like scapegoats are damned to hell …and I will tell each and every one of them that to their face. (If they dare stand that close to me.) I have recently met a wonderful girl who is very responsible and sweet. She seems like a girl that used to be the type to love a boyfriend… but I guess that same old thing that happens to most girls has happened to her too. She went nuts and broke off everything to do with the guys that loved her and now won’t consider another guy as a boyfriend. Now, I am not like ANY guy I know. I believe that ANY girl in their right mind could love me…and I know that’s true…. I’m one of the nicest people you could ever meet, but somehow that never changes their minds. I’m not angry and I hope I don’t sound that way. I am just very frustrated by people’s lives when I see them pulling all the building blocks apart to the point it all falls apart or makes no sense. The girl I am speaking of is wonderful though, she likes all the things that I do…and she has good morals and such. I believe that she also doesn’t care that much about guys’ looks and such…. though I think in the back of a lot of girl’s minds, they are looking for the “cute” one. (Though most of the time he’s a jerk) She is beautiful though…and I don’t know if she realizes it completely. I know if I were to tell her so, I would sound like a weirdo or a school kid trying to tell a girl he likes her. I’m too nice…I’m too sweet. I believe in good communication and being close all the time. I guess I will just have to wait until one of those kinds of girls finds me… though it may take them being 35 years old before they know what they want and see that I was the best guy they ever met in their lives. Lol I just want to be nice to a girl …and do nice things for her and say sweet things and such without them thinking I was just being nice so that I could be with them and then turn into a big jerk. I am going to continue to try to become better friends with this other girl. I want her to be happy and I will try to help her sort out her problems. (Even of things turn out that I will never be her boyfriend) She makes me feel good inside…and I feel a connection there mentally…(I have had that before…with someone else…but she closed her end now) I honestly hope THAT girl finds her way…and I hope this new one finds her way to me. But in the end…all I can really hope for …is that maybe I can find MY way and all the other pieces will fall into place. Until next time… ~Carl (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
3:34 am	A long time......and now. http://www.carlgookins.com A long time has past …since my last entry here. I have been finding my way and using my hardships to fuel the fire to forge my latest Fantasy Creations. I know now that I can use my feelings to create my own world and even bring in others to visit. It is pointless to try and change myself into a “normal” person. I am hardwired to stand out from the crowd and take the extra time to make myself known. I feel as though I can love more deeply and hate more completely than anyone else. My mind is still in training though, and the universe is turning and changing my thoughts into something much higher than I’ve ever before imagined. I still long for the companionship of another. Every girl I talk with is not exactly one compatible with an old soul such as I. I guess the wheels of time will turn …and eventually everything will come into alignment…and I shall find the one that is meant for me. I believe that she will come to me…instead of I to her. As for anyone reading this now…if you believe you can bring more light onto this subject I now have released from the dark, please write me or comment. I would love to hear anything anyone has to say. (Maybe you yourself may read this and say, “I can be that girl for him”…) In this case…. by all means write me about yourself. Until next time. ~Carl (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 6th, 2004
12:27 pm	The winds are calming..... Hello World Well....there is not much to say really today. Ive just been trying to get more art done and not get too rushed at the same time. I have found that there are a few very beautiful girls out there that take stock photos of themselves and do not mind me using their photos for my work as long as they are credited for being the model. I really love the idea of having custom reference for my work... their photos really inspire me...and I see whole new characters and whole new fantasy worlds with warriors and fairies etc. I think things are going well right now...I will be posting new prints and originals on ebay more often now...I need to get my popularity up there to assure people that they can buy from me with confidence. Till next time ~Carl (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
12:01 am	...a little bit down the road...our journey is still so long..... Well, they say that anything truly good...was never easy to get. And that your lifelong dreams are worth fighting for. If all this is true...then I am well on my way....for what I'm doing is not easy at all....but I know it is only a test....and the rest of my life can and will unfold in front of me. I must play-up on my own talents and strengths.... I have a few very powerful cards I've brought to the table....I have just never known how to use them until now. There is always someone out there that will try to pull you down...and there are a few out there that will try and pick you up.... Unfortunately most of us only find the negative of those two...so I'm here to say first and foremost.....don't listen to anyone...or anything negative.....because the only thing stopping us all from progress ... is just that......."stopping" (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 30th, 2004
12:31 pm	Well, Ive made it this far..... Hello World :) Last night I went to see the band I am doing the CD work for (Take as Needed)...They were unbelievable...about 100 times better than the other bands there. It was the smallest place they have played in a long time...so I'm sure it was cool to have all that energy compiled so closely together on the floor....everyone loved them. It was a great show. One of the best parts is I got to take my nephew and his friends there too. I was the best six bucks they have ever spent...(until the next time we see TAKE) If you read this and want to check them out...just go here...Go Here http://www.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Take_as_Needed/ -------------------------------------------------------- On to the rest... I am going to start another piece today sometime... I am very excited about the new look I'm going to try and show...its not different...just MORE "me" I need to start selling prints of my older works too....there seems to be a lot of people that like a few of my pieces on Elfwood. :) Ive got about 6 months to be self-sufficient with my art...or I may have to do something else...(that is not much of an option) I think the key is to really stick my heart and soul ...and all my mind into everything I create...people really pick up on stuff when it comes from the heart. Until next time...thats it. ~Carl (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 27th, 2004
11:12 pm	What is happening now........ Dear World: I had a very beautiful girl email me some pics of her new haircut...I'm not sure what to tell her about her hair...I really love it....so much Im not sure how to bring it to words..... I guess the best way to describe it...is that I am inspired and will try to do something with the creativity she sparked. Today was pretty good....My father and I went to DQ and got an ice-cream ....We sat outside and it was really very nice. Im glad to spend time like that with my Father ... and I only wish my Mother would have done the same if she were still around. I will be starting a new piece soon....one that I believe will mark a new era in my work and how I look at the art I do..... I have been working up to a great thing lately...I think a big change will happen to me soon...and it will be for the better. I can't wait until I get another piece of work out there and people begin to "Buzz" again about my work....I think im starting to work from piece to piece and pure anticipation of how the world will react to my next piece of work. Until next time. ~Carl (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
3:46 pm	Am I the only one who thinks I can make it ?...... Today has been difficult...but i think it is getting better.. (I least i feel that way) I still feel not quite right about everything though. It is very hard to be a self rep artist when parts of your family doesn't think you can do it...and even says that you cant. I have to stay strong with everything..and I thank those out there that DO stand behind me..and you know who you are. On another note i have decided to do about one nice art piece a week... and make prints of everything Ive got. I'm going for pure quality..and not quantity. That is it for now...back to CD covers and more ebay art. Hopefully someone hears me here and understands. ~Carl (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 24th, 2004
1:32 pm	The start of a long journey Today I've been looking at other's journals ...and I have decided to start my own journal. I will go my own way with this journal...and I'm going to try to never copy anyone with anything I do here or anywhere else. I'm making my own way. I may DO some things that others have done...but I will only do them in my OWN way...and that means most everything I do will be a little to a LOT on the "different" side. That being said... I really dont work out of peace...I work out of chaos. I believe that there is balance in the world and there are two sides to everything...im not here to be the cute side...Im here to be the darker end of all that. I think my work is done best if looked at in that light. Now, on to my first deal... I was turned down by (will remain nameless website) for showing my newest piece. Now....should I be angry?..or ok with this?...I think a little of both. I WILL learn from this...but im kinda like a rope getting burned...once burned in that spot...it will NEVER fray there again. I am now vowing that: Everything I do from now on...will be working towards being the BEST I can...and to do WELL above and beyond the expectations and requirements of these SO-CALLED professional sites. I have a lot up my sleave and a lot of feeling I can pull inspiraton from. So in closing today... Be watching my work...it will soon be known by the masses ... and there will be those who thought I wouldnt make it, left standing only with their own failures,never able to intimidate me again. They are only jealous. (I feel better to have vented now) :) (Comment on this)